10 ways to make your middle schooler’s summer meaningful
Summer can feel like a complicated time for families to navigate. For some it’s a time of bliss with a summer home or rental in a beautiful locale, travel, or days at the club. For others–especially working parents–it can be challenging (and extraordinarily expensive) trying to find ways to keep one’s child busy. As your children reach their middle school years, camps and activities are harder to find. You may be battling guilt, remorse, and a desire for a more fun summer all at the same time.
So what are some steps you can take to make your summer a more meaningful one for your preteen or teenager stuck between camps and summer jobs?
The great news is that you don’t need to spend a lot or any money to create a meaningful and memorable summer. Kids often need some downtime after the demands of the school year. But while they genuinely love freedom and independence, the absolute absence of structure can actually be disorienting, especially for two and a half months of summer. You know it, but I’m going to remind you that your child does not need exotic travel or expensive camps and experiences to have a meaningful summer. In fact, this is the perfect time to create some free or inexpensive activities to reconnect as a family. In my experience, as much as middle schoolers will fight it, they genuinely appreciate time with you.
Set reading goals for your child: Set a goal of a minimum of three books to read this summer. Make an event out of going to the library or bookstore to select three books that look interesting to them. Help them find books that will inspire them or about subjects they’re curious about. Track pages or books read with a chart kept in a central. Challenge them to exceed a three book or 300 page minimum and join the challenge yourself to show that you value reading.
Create fun family routines: In the absence of homework, there can be a little more time in the mornings or evenings. Take this opportunity to create family routines you always mean to establish but never do. Pick a meal (breakfast or dinner) that everyone can eat together, without devices or other distractions. Establish a morning or evening walk, a weekly meal that you cook together, a “quiet time” of the day when no screens are allowed and everyone reads, or a family game night or movie night in which everyone participates and you rotate which family member selects the games or movie.
Recommit to chores and responsibilities: We all know that the chores or responsibilities around the house are good for children and make our own lives easier, but sometimes they feel like more work than they’re worth. Use the summer to recommit. Middle schoolers can and should make their own beds, clean their rooms, do their laundry, set the table, clear the table, do the dishes, take out the trash, walk dogs, and it’s good for them. Teach them what they don’t yet know and lower your standards in the beginning, recognizing that completing the task is most important. Create a calendar or chart to track for accountability and make a privilege contingent (screen time?) on completion of your child’s tasks.
Find a service organization to work with: There is no better way to teach your child about engaging within their community and how good it feels to contribute than by signing up for service as a family or with a couple members of your family. Show that you value service as well by working side by side and not just dropping your child off. This can also be a great way for your middle schooler to learn important life skills like cleaning, food preparation, gardening, and introducing themselves to new adults.
Create ways to allow for more independence: This is one idea that may require spending money to allow for easy communication. Use a device to give your child more freedom and allow them to explore their community via foot, bike, or if you have it, public transportation. If they’ve never done it before, you will want to explore together the first few times with your child. Find a friend to join in the fun. You can gradually give them more independence and autonomy as they prove they can handle it. A smart watch or flip phone (or dumb phone) can be a great way to for both of you to communicate with one another and loosen the leash without sliding down the slippery slope of a smartphone,
Gamify the responsibilities and tasks when needed: While I’m not a big fan of rewarding family responsibilities, which I believe should be the expectations of any preteen or teenager, sometimes tracking and setting goals can create a little fun, especially if your child has a competitive streak. In our household we’ll be hosting our own Olympics this summer. To earn gold, each child must demonstrate their ability to cook a dinner, clean the kitchen, complete the laundry from start to finish, set the table properly, among other tasks. We’re creating “game days” to showcase learned competencies to increase the stakes and foster some competition, which always makes activities more fun in our family.
Explore the world from your own hometown: Find ways to explore other cultures within your own community. Admittedly this will be easier in some communities than others. Set specific days when you will explore different cuisines via restaurants, food trucks, or your own kitchen. Visit cultural sites or museums, watch TV shows or movies from other countries, and have “family reads” in which everyone reads a book from an author from another country. Track the countries you “explore” on a world map you print from the internet. (Or just explore your own hometown and focus on learning more about your community’s history.)
Encourage your child to make a little money by offering their services to neighbors: Most of us could use some help with a cleaning project, children or pets that could use watching or walking, or some other task. Help your child create fliers and share them with neighbors. While most kids will feel a little intimidated by reaching out to neighbors in this way, the experience will be invaluable, and who doesn’t like to make a little money? (If you need to entice them with the possibility of earning their own money, do so! No judgment on this one.)
If your child will be applying to new schools in the upcoming year, start writing over the summer: While it can be harder to write when the pressure isn’t on, writing is often more fruitful when you have time to explore. See a few prompts for high school applications here. If your child needs a little more help disciplining themselves, you can check out my High School Application Essay Boot Camp here.
Have fun and laugh together: During the school year it can feel like we’re always rushing from place to place and it’s not great for anyone. Let your pace slow down during the summer, use the summer to lighten your grip a bit, but make sure you give your children a little structure so they can have more space to explore on their own, too.
It’s ok if none of your grand plans work out: I asked my son, a rising junior, what was most memorable about his summer after 6th grade and he said, “I don’t know, it was the middle of COVID and I had a broken tibia.” He spent the entire summer on the couch with a broken leg, intermittently visiting the doctor at an empty hospital, and being carried to the bathroom. We weren’t able to make any of the above ideas happen, but he did come out with some good stories!
I want to offer my final words of wisdom as an educational consultant: You may feel a lot of pressure to make your child’s summer dynamic and special through programs, camps, and travel. You do not need to. Each of the above ideas can go a long way. If you’re thinking about building “the resume” of a child who will be applying to a private high school, here’s the secret: most Admission officers have a preference for humble and meaningful activities that do not require any money. A child who can share a meaningful experience from home, drawing upon their own creativity and ingenuity, can often show the most personality. That horrible COVID summer, that I referenced earlier, when my son spent the entire summer laid up with a broken leg, wasn’t easy for any of us. But it taught my son a lot about struggling with pain, boredom, and gratitude for the family members and friends who supported him. The experience became the crux of the essays he submitted to every high school to which he applied. If they’re learning, they’re growing, and there are so many ways to learn and experience life.
